Wednesday, August 24, 2011

It is starting

I love the happiness that comes as kids become more independent. Cate was a grump all last week. It felt like she wanted to do more... but couldn't, so she was mad at herself. Now she is crawling around and is much happier. Instead of just crawling around though... now she is pulling herself up on things. I hate this stage and the beginning to walk stage. I kind of wish I could surround my little cutie with bubble wrap and glue some pillows to her.

She had her first big fall today. It was sad. She was cruising around and fell and hit her head on the edge of a wall.

She got over it faster than I did. I am still reliving it again and again in my mind.

The first thing that I said to myself was" 'How did this poor girl get such a stupid mom?"

The next thing I did was envision how much worse it could've been and then I played all sorts of scenarios out in my head all morning. Cate unconscious, me running around the neighborhood trying to get help in my bathrobe, me calling 911 from the cell phone and then needing to call from my house phone because they couldn't find our address fast enough, bleeding, and then me freaking out on the phone with the dispatch people... So many ugly thoughts that just kept spiraling and spiraling. I don't handle trauma well.

Andrew was so sad for Caitlin too. He sat next to her and made goofy faces and got her laughing and kept her happy. At least she's lucky to have such a sweet brother since her mom is such an airhead sometimes!

1 comment:

Liz said...

Glad to you know you are human like the rest of us and NOT STUPID!! Heavenly Father makes little ones resilient for a reason. You can't protect them from everything, and you are doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up, and don't play out worst case scenarios in your head!!!